" 'Smittens'. I don't even know what you're talking about, but I know putting two words together."
--Matt Scribner, on naming a product.

"You mean, you peed your pants for the fun of it?"

"Well, yeah, we were wearing our swim suits!"

-Emma, and Noah, on what he and Calvin do with their free time.

"how many fingers do you type with? like, all ten?"
-yelin

"I'm always like, yeah, I could take a nap to this..."
-Ramsey DeGeare, on watching baseball on tv.

"Richie, this illness, this closeness to death...it's had a profound effect on me. I feel like a different person, I really do."
"Dad, you were never dying."
"But I'm gonna live!"

-the Royal Tenenbaums

"MICHAEL, stop it. Do NOT do that in my car! Swallow it!"
-A lady up the street, yelling very loudly.

Sometimes the funniest things are the ones you hear from a distance.

"Most of my friends wanted to be white when we were growing up."
"I just wanted to be Justin Timberlake!"
-Two kids in my ethnic studies group